Fertell male / female fertility test hits US shelves

Anyone who's a fan of ABC's Lost knows the perils of going to a specialist for help getting pregnant: because the timid doctor doesn't want to tell your husband -- who's employed by your violent, mob-tied father -- that he's infertile, he'll be forced to lie and initiate a series of events that can only culminate with you stranded on a spooky uncharted island full of polar bears and hostile natives. Well the folks at Genosis Inc. are sick and tired of family planning-related plane crashes, and have just received FDA approval for a product that should put an end to these senseless tragedies once and for all: the Fertell home fertility test. Capable of detecting both the concentration of motile sperm as well as a hormone which indicates egg quality, Fertell promises to give fairly accurate results for both him and her in under a half-hour -- and though it's not being publicized as a substitute for "professional evaluations," it will at least save a few men like Hank Hill the embarrassment of having to discuss their narrow urethras. The Fertell kit should be available immediately at your favorite local drug store or black-market pharmacy, priced at an even hundred bucks.

[Via Medgadget]

[Nando @ Jun 7th 2007 9:46AM]

LOL @ Hank Hill and his narrow urethra.

[Chris Gunton @ Jun 7th 2007 9:51AM]

I just used this thing to get a sperm count. It came back with the results "4, 8, 15, 16, 23, 42".

What gives?

[Spanky @ Jun 7th 2007 2:24PM]

It is probably indicating (multipied by a million) the number of sperm that it has detected. Notice the count was not fluctuating but always increasing.

[xof7 @ Jun 7th 2007 8:58PM]

lol spanky. that was a "lost" joke.

[BrokenLegend @ Jun 8th 2007 3:17PM]

Dude, that's not your sperm count, those are your lucky numbers! You just tested yourself on a fortune cookie.

[Nando @ Jun 7th 2007 10:27AM]

Well my test results said "outlook not so good"...Eek?

[Grammar freak @ Jun 7th 2007 10:55AM]

Look, we're not talking about a game.. we're talking about PRACTICE!

[Joe @ Jun 7th 2007 10:58AM]

This article was funny until the King of the Hill reference. That alone is enough to kill any humor.

[cydeweyz @ Jun 7th 2007 11:01AM]

Who's taking this thing out on 1st Dates :)

[Matt E. @ Jun 7th 2007 11:28AM]

I have super sperm. It is so potent that it actually seeks out other foriegn sperm and kills it in the target female. So yeah, this test would be useless.

[DustPan @ Jun 7th 2007 11:30AM]

30 minutes later and the results are "42". Not sure what that means.

[Eric @ Jun 7th 2007 11:37AM]

Hmm.. for it to gauge the sperm...you would need a sample...

doesn't that kinda screw up the whole trying to get pregnant thing if you already blew your load trying to tell if you are fertile?

[John B @ Jun 7th 2007 11:50AM]

@Eric:

I was thinking the same thing, especially since it takes ~3 days for the sperm count to fully recover.

"Hey, honey! Look at this! I'm good to go! You'll still be fertile in three days, won't you? Honey? Where are you going?"

[ffresh @ Jun 7th 2007 3:29PM]

@eric: i'm sure there's loads more loads where that load came from


also could this potentially be used to determine if a chick is infertile, so you wouldn't have to bother with condoms or even birth control? (though that would probably limit you to having sex on just a few days out of any given month)

[MegaHurtz @ Jun 7th 2007 4:30PM]

I prefer to use my own method of fertility tests. It's called sex. Seems to be accurate from my experiences. She either gets pregnant or she doesn't.

[Lycus @ Jun 9th 2007 3:36AM]

But how do you tell which person is infertile if she doesn't?

[MegaHurtz @ Jun 11th 2007 11:15AM]

Then I punch her in the tits and make her get back in the kitchen.

[mh @ Jun 7th 2007 4:34PM]

it needs a sexy casemod though :p